Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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