haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
