Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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