I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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