I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
