This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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