I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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