he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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