I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
