Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
