Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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