he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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