Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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