woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
