I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
