Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
