i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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