i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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