I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
