i just had sex bonerless
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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