summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
