we have pet lesbian snakes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
