You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
