Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
