I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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