Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
