$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
that is very illegal...i love you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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