Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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