btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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