His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
