Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
