look no pants
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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