do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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