Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
