Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize