There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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