started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
