just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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