Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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