why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
how drunk are you?
Several
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
