I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
