you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you had me at cake vodka
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
