Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
