I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
