They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
