I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
