Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
