talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
