if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
