he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
