Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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