Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
