Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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