Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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