party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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