Kiss
Puke
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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